tail lights fade into the distance
while uncertainty fills my mind
streetlamps blinde my vision
and no truth there i find

i reach for things unsearched for
i grasp at thoughts unknown
i seek the truth that isn’t there
but still your love has shown

i trust you with my whole heart
i that it’s time well-spent
i know you will not leave me
but in my heart there’s still a dent

when tail lights finally leave my mind
i know a love in you i’ll find

wizzing, whirling, whisping
snow falls up and i sing
pouring down but hits the breezes
shoots suddenly upward
floating down from heaven
gently brushes by a window
collides with other snow
and begins to fall…up.

5/15
I blow an eyelash in the wind
I pray to me you’ll come
i dream of when we once began
and all i’ve learned since then
i wish into the bright blue sky
that time so fast will go
and bring me once again to you
and keep us safe from harm
and nothing then will part our ways
and nothing us to break
and nothing us to hurt or try
and never our love to die
my skies blow dark with fear and gloom
yet blue again they’ll shine
when clouds begin to fill my skies
your eyes I’ll see and rise
or when the trees bend in the breeze
my roots in your stay firm
and when the rocks shake in the quake
my eyelash there will land
and so my wish will come true
there again I’ll be with you.

I’m going to just write this like prose because the returns are killing me, who can fix this? I wrote this when I was severely depressed. This is clearly for Rial.

February 26, 2006

The dancer flew across the stage/ She lept with joy and flew/ into the arms of her beloved/ he caught her as he always did./ His arms so strong reached out to hold her./ The ballerina pranced, and twirled/ and everyone looked on with wonder/ adoration and amazement/ They pondered how she could/ be so graceful, so light, doing/ on stage all that she did/ always so graceful performing/ the hardest leaps into her lover’s/ arms; his strong hands that/ would always embrace her./ The curtain would close and / her beloved would still hold her/ as she crashed to the ground/ the weight of the stage would crush her./ The sound of the audience’s/ cheers would make her nauseous/ her beloved would take her/ hand and he would hold her. / They would walk off stage and / she clumsily tripped over her own feet/ Time for act two and the curtain opened and there she was. Beautifully she would do everything asked of her. Unparralled in talen and grac. But the curtain will always close. And the ballerina will die slowly. And her beloved will always be there.

Written around January 6, 2007. To no one in particular. I was dating Rial at the time, but still depressed.

REVISED:

Tears flowing from your eyes

create rivers taht remind me

of how I’ve hurt you.

Rain falling from the skies

Makes a puddle that mixes

with the blood from my heart.

Inside there’s a piece of e that dies

knowing you’ve never loved someone

so much as me and yet-

There is a great ocean of lies

that drowns and pushes me to the bottom

and there I gasp for air.

I’m drowning, and you can’t save me.

I’m not being sarcastic when I say that the highlight of today was passing my algebra test with an outstanding 70.4.

I woke up at the AWESOME time of 5:20am, not unusual, but awesome none-the-less. Went into work, totally on top of things. Loaded the bus with 180 bottles of water and 4 boxes of crackers before it warmed up. I was doing great until after breakfast when we began preparing lunch. We put the BBQ meat in the oven to defrost it, which worked, and was a good idea. Then came the step in the process when we take out the BBQ meat and mix in the sauce. Not hot at all! Or atleast the meat wasn’t that hot. The pans, being in the 400 degree oven were the same temperature, so when I reached into the meat, I caught my arm on that 400 degree pan. It was one of those rectangular food service pan, and you can tell that, because the corner of it is embossed into my arm.

A few hours later- mom and the campers leave, so I think, wow this would be an excellent time to practice archery. I won’t go into detail except to say that I failed miserably and both, yes both, of my arms are blue from the string snapping them repeatedly.

A few hours later I went to Atlantic Station and I was walking along and tripped over some sort of wire. Well, I thought nothing of it until I go into Old Navy and look down and notice my big toe on my left foot was covered in blood- EXCELLENT.

So anyhow. Passed my test. yay.

In other news, I just made banana nut bread and banana sour cream bread. and in an hour i will taste them, but not too much because I’m down to 194… AT NIGHT! So yay. That’s all

<3

-mdl

ps. I have a poem or two I’ll post that I found today.

Commons. That’s my housing assignment for this upcoming year. You know- it might not be so bad.After all, this weekend ended up kicking some serious buttage.

On Friday, mom and I hopped up to RuSans and had some Age Dashi and the sushi buffet. YUM. THENNNN…. She bought me a car. Yes, I got a car! For those of you who don’t know, when mom got the job down here at Forston 4-H Center, we traded in both cars for a Buick Rendezvous. So for 2 years I have been without a car. So on Friday we found the most awesome car ever. I posted a picture of it. 2007 Silver Chevy Cobalt. It’s a 4D sedan, so it’s my first big girl car. (My last was a little sporty 2d cougar) So I now have him (YES MY CAR IS A HIM) and his name is HappyBuddha. My mom helped me with that lol. So Saturday mom and I slept in a little bit and did some other good weekend-y stuffs. Sunday we went to church and Brooks preached topping off our great weekend. Life is good.

Last night I cleaned my bedroom and my bathroom. I have spacebags which are super exciting. I’m working on simplifying my life right now. What does that mean in terms of cleaning my bedroom. I have thus far donated 7 full size garbage bags of clothes and shoes to Goodwill. So now all of my clothes fit in my closet and dresser. AND the big really shocking thing. All of my shoes fit on 5 wireracks in my closet. Which yes- is still a lot of shoes, but I got rid of half of them. Which was about 30 pairs. Heh…

I also decided since I’m living in the commons and will have a smaller room and just to save space and simplify any how, I have 2 Kitchen boxes to move in, 1 desk box, 1 bedroom box, a spacebag of bedding linens, and 1 cleaning/bathroom box. Which if you knew me last year is a LOT less stuff. YAY. I’m wondering though if I get my bug happybuddha statue thing if i can sit him in my passanger side seat and buckle him in if I can drive in the HOV lane.

RANDOM.

So today it’s back to work. I’m going completely back on my diet, I wanna lose 15lbs before school starts, because when it does theres no way I’m gonna be able to get to the gym. Hell, I’m spending the time when Rial’s at work while I’m up there to do my math and then do research for my poster and abstract for fall.

Speaking of which, I really have to get on that. Once I publish I will share my topic. JUST incase there is someone potentially reading who does research in developmental psychology. Heh.

I’ve developed a morning routine. Well I’m not following it today, but for the rest of the week.

Wake up at 5:15am, take pills, put on whitening strips, hop in shower, hop out get dressed, use listerine whitening rinse to get off the whitening junk, brush my teeth, floss my teeth, 60seconds of listerine healthy teeth rinse, and then pull my hair back and be at work by 6am. It’s worked well so far.

Well I was kind of putting off the showering until housing called me back to confirm my parking request. But they haven’t yet, so I might as well just hop in and take a fast one. Yep, I’ll do that now.

much love,

-mdl

Yesterday mom and I went care shopping and I got a 2007 Silver Chevy Cobalt. It’s really cool and I love it. Plus it gets 25/35mpg. YAY. So I now have a car and can go see Rial and stuff. Here’s a picture!

I just realized I did not post my newest poem on my website. How lame of me.

In Burma
Last night I slept in Tibet.
And saw flags on the mountain side.
The hope for all humanity in the hands of the people.
Bowed in prayer they cease the pain of this world.
Their songs soar through the air carried to all corners of Earth
May someone hear their cries.

Last night I slept with the souls of Burma.
In a shallow pitch black hole we slept.
In our spiritual nudity we embraced and our souls lifted in praise.
the blood stained robes of monks and nuns stayed in the hole,
and their pure souls were released.

Last night I slept in Beijing.
The whole world gathered to witness history.
Broken promises, broken people.
Oppression is their solution.
Bloody robes and bloody nuns,
government killing all who oppose.
Their screams of freedom cannot be heard through the sheet of their oppressors.

Last night they slept in me.
The songs, sorrows, and screams.
In my head they echo, and show their bloody hands and feet.
They comfort me in knowing that this world is transient
Kings to ants and so on.
While this pain is much, it will not last.
Soon their souls will leave their soiled tunics and broken bodies,
and rise to a new world of peace.

It has come to my attention that I have not posted in several months. I guess I’ll make another post before I head to work in an hour. Lets see. Since February, not a whole heck of a lot has gone on, thus why I have not been posting. Plus I’ve been twittering, so I haven’t felt like typing out a long post. Either way, here it is:

In March I didn’t really do much, midterms.

In April Rial and I celebrated 3 years. Woo. We went to 2. Urban Licks. Our fav.

In May I finished with my 2nd year at GSU and the now it’s June.

I’m back at home for the summer at Fortson 4-H Center working for my mom over the sumer in the dining hall. It’s a whole lot different than the summers of being a counselor that I am used to. But heh, I get more hours and more money. I work from about 6am until 7pm every day with very little breaks in between. It will be a little different now that summer camp has begun; I will have a much more regulated schedule.

Hmmm. Today I woke up late and learned “Anyone else but you” by the Moldy Peaches on guitar. I really love that I liked the Moldy Peaches and Kimya Dawson 2 years ago and that now they’re semi-popular in the indie world thanks to Juno. dun du dun TRENDSETTER. <round of applause />
Then I walked the dog and took a shower and here I sit.

I hope my summer course is online soon, seeing as though it starts in…. 5 days?

I’m stressed about school, housing and the like.

Follow me on twitter. @thatmollygirl (seems to be a trend in my life)

Much love and hugs,

-mdl