Garrett told me to write an I AM poem in Iambic pentameter about IAM’s dog food. So obviously it’s a crap poem, but here it is:
IAMS dog food’s REAL thoughts:

I am with crunch and yet i am so soft
I wonder if I will be poured today
I hear the dog Bella coming to me.
I see the bowl, it’s green, I’m going in.
I want to be back in the bag so safe.
I am with crunch and yet i am so soft.

I pretend to be gross so I can live.
I feel the teeth of the dog bite. Oh No!
I touch other kernels of food ’side me.
I worry I will get eaten so soon.
I cry because this was my one purpose.
I am with crunch and yet I am so soft

I understand why I must be eaten.
I say “Bella, do with me what you will.”
I dream someday I will roam free again.
I try to squirm away from the dogs mouth.
I hope that this will all end very soon.
I am with crunch and yet I am so soft.

I am free and often forgotten.
I wonder why she did not swim.
I hear her soul singing sweetly to me.
I see her lover’s heart fall to pieces.
I want to save her.
I am free and often forgotten.
I pretend she is living and merely floating.
I feel despair as she;s given up trying.
I touch her hair, her face, her back, her feet.
I worry that I am responsible for not trying harder.
I cry for her an my tears flow with her.
I am free and often forgotten.
I understand that she is gone, to sing now for eternity.
I say, “Swim, Ophelia, Swim,” but her song is louder.
I dream of her, a living being; washed away.
I try and push her to the surface.
I hope that she is at peace.
I am free and often forgotten.

I am the river of the eternal slumber.