For my Interpersonal Psychology class we were asked to read the chapters and write a reaction paper about anything that interested us. One topic particularly hit home: Proximity’s correlation with relationship satisfaction. As many of you know, I’ve found myself in a relationship lacking the almost essential element of proximity- or what the research seems to prove is essential. Here is my reaction:
Chapter three discusses proximity in regards to relationships. Van Horn makes the claim that “long-distance romantic relationships are generally less satisfying than are romances with partners who are nearby” (Van Horn et al., 1997). Gilbertson, Dindia and Allen also imply that the costs of a long distance relationship outweigh the benefits. (Gilbertson, Dindia, & Allen, 1998)
I agree that the costs of a long-distance relationship are high, but depending on the situation I do not believe that these costs outweigh the benefits.
In 2000 I fell in love with a boy from church. We were in the same ZIP code and saw each other a couple of times a week. Bornstein was right when he said that mere exposure could make someone fall in love. Unfortunately for me, the theory of reciprocity was not on my side, and it took Rial Sloan about 5 years of “mere exposure” to love me in return. We dated for a a few months in close proximity, until he left for college; the next year I left for college as well. Rindfuss and Stephen were correct- distance does nothing for the heart but rip it in pieces.
Fortunately, Rial and I were very logical with our relationship and weighed the costs and benefits. I’m glad the book also mentions the idea of “virtual proximity.” We have been a long-distance couple for 2 years, and have serious plans for the future. I concur that new technology can only defer the “impending doom” or a break-up– but only if it’s going to remain long-distance indefinitely.
When you know the benefits far outweigh the costs of being in a long-distance relationship, its the longing for the proximity that keeps you holding on. It takes a toll on the heart, but that makes the moment when you’re reunited even sweeter.