My love, My love

When you look at me the sun shines

I feel the warmth on my skin

and I could bask in the glow forever.

When I put my hand in yours

I emerse myself into a warm bath

sinking deeper into the water

I drown myself in love.

When you speak to me I hear peace

The wind blowing through the trees

The waves crashing on the beach.

My Love, my world without you was empty.

It was an empty, dark night filled with sorrow.

Without you I was laying on a cold, hard floor.

And yet you found me in the darkness.

You picked me up and wrapped me in a blanket of love.

And you’ll never let me fall, and I’ll never be cold again.

The sky was blue but now the clouds are rolling in

rain starts to come down and is coupled with high winds

the trees are bending downward, hear them snap and fall

But the calmness in the midst of it all.

I stand still against the wind and against the rain

without sorrow, I feel no worry, shock or pain.

Experiencing numbness, no movement I make.

Trying to move forward, a step I’m forced to take.

With the rain coming down down harder, I walk ahead

everything’s behind me, the storm to me is dead.

Around me now is sunshine, and everywhere is green

Moving forward, I remember what I have seen

Out of the terrible wind, hail, sleet, rain, and storm,

A new, powerful, beautiful self has been born.

I want to quit

I want to be safe and secure

I want to be loved

I want to be alone

I want to run and never tire

I want to lay in a field of wildflowers

I want to reject the norm and adopt my own way of life

I want to kiss the one I love

I want to hug everyone to show someone cares

I want to care

I really do

I want to love freely, openly, and passionately

I want to be free from restrictions

I want to live in the trees and play with the elephants

I want to leave it all behind for something new

I want to be controversial and kick up dirt

I want to live in peace

I want to be grounded

I want to quit-

but I can’t right now.

Is it snow or only ashes?

Your hopes and dreams

Turn out it seems-

To be just that which passes.

When I knit time stands still.
I sit in a world of the past living in the now.
A world where things move slower
and with less about which to worry.

When I knit I have no demands to fulfill-
No questions to answer: where, when, or how?
A world with a woman’s grandchild below her,
and nothing for which to be sorry.

When I knit I have no burdens, no fears, no bills-
No decisions to make, no future to endow.
In a world where all doubt will cower
and in which nothing makes me wary.

And so I sit.
And so I knit.

In lavender waves of mercy,
facing the sky I lay.
Embedded in leaves of greatness,
to witness the break of day.
In cerulean clouds of darkness,
I stand with arms outstretched.
I sit in the midst of night time,
to see the death of day.

From the shadow of darkness, bad things come:
these are the things I fear.
Murder, killings, kidnaps too, bad things done:
these are the things I fear.
Closed doors, what’s behind? Not known, shadows lurk:
Open doors, evil, free to come in, shadows murk:
these are the things I fear.
Serpents, spiders, slither ’round,
creeping crawling on the ground,
these
white eyes, black eyes, red eyes too, staring into the souls of you
are
small corners filled with darkness, objects, waiting to leap out.
the…
silence– anything could happen
screams– shots fired, anything-
These Are The Things I Fear.

For my Interpersonal Psychology class we were asked to read the chapters and write a reaction paper about anything that interested us. One topic particularly hit home: Proximity’s correlation with relationship satisfaction. As many of you know, I’ve found myself in a relationship lacking the almost essential element of proximity- or what the research seems to prove is essential. Here is my reaction:
Chapter three discusses proximity in regards to relationships. Van Horn makes the claim that “long-distance romantic relationships are generally less satisfying than are romances with partners who are nearby” (Van Horn et al., 1997). Gilbertson, Dindia and Allen also imply that the costs of a long distance relationship outweigh the benefits. (Gilbertson, Dindia, & Allen, 1998)
I agree that the costs of a long-distance relationship are high, but depending on the situation I do not believe that these costs outweigh the benefits.
In 2000 I fell in love with a boy from church. We were in the same ZIP code and saw each other a couple of times a week. Bornstein was right when he said that mere exposure could make someone fall in love. Unfortunately for me, the theory of reciprocity was not on my side, and it took Rial Sloan about 5 years of “mere exposure” to love me in return. We dated for a a few months in close proximity, until he left for college; the next year I left for college as well. Rindfuss and Stephen were correct- distance does nothing for the heart but rip it in pieces.
Fortunately, Rial and I were very logical with our relationship and weighed the costs and benefits. I’m glad the book also mentions the idea of “virtual proximity.” We have been a long-distance couple for 2 years, and have serious plans for the future. I concur that new technology can only defer the “impending doom” or a break-up– but only if it’s going to remain long-distance indefinitely.
When you know the benefits far outweigh the costs of being in a long-distance relationship, its the longing for the proximity that keeps you holding on. It takes a toll on the heart, but that makes the moment when you’re reunited even sweeter.

This is one of my more recent poems. I wrote it upon entering Georgia State University in 2006. The park across the road from my apartment was the inspiration, if you’ve ever been to Hurt Park, or any of the many parks in Atlanta, I hope you can relate.

The bushes were all growing,
ugly as they were,
mangled, tangled, reaching
for what they were before.

The tree was overgrown then,
the path it overtook.
I was just because the people
weren’t there to look.

All it needed was a little love,
some pruning here and there,
and now the leaves and stems and grass
can breathe the autumn air.

The people can return now,
and they can walk the path,
and sit beside the bushes
and take a cool sunbath.

The young adults will grow up,
as the bushes did before,
some mangled, tangled, reaching
for something so much more.

These people, they will gather,
and you can see each face,
because the dreams they each held,
no longer they embrace.

Somewhere along the pathway,
a branch would get too long,
no gardener would prune it,
no longer did it belong.

All it needed was a little love,
if the world had only seen,
that the mangled, tangled reacher
could have grown into a tree.

-mdl

feelings
perfect, undisturbed, unbroken
ruined, carelessly tossed around
lost in waved of black
once beautiful, now ugly
lost in rugged brown
closing in, tight can’t breathe
can’t think, hurting pain
see, something, someone, I want
to be free, but I can’t
lost, to be lost, horrible
oh, to be like water, beautiful
water, perfect, undisturbed
unbroken
lost in waves of black

(written on a riverboat on the Savannah river as a stick drifted through the water.)